Conflict Resolution

Date:  (Week 8)
Venue: BFEI | Room 108
Class:  WDM
Topic:  Conflict Resolution

In today's class, we discussed 'Conflict Resolution', it's another interesting topic that you will love.  There's a good quote I will to share as the start just before I go into the nitty gritty of today's topic of discussion.

“Conflict can destroy a team which hasn’t spent time learning to deal with it.”

                                                                        Thomas Isgar

By way of introduction, we discussed some of the causes of conflict in workplace and in general. It is noted that once you are in a setting that brings together many people with different personalities, attitudes and skill sets and asking them to work as a cohesive unit, it is inevitable not to have conflict springing out once in a while. The most common reasons for this include personality and ego clashes, misunderstandings, miscommunications and basic disagreements about the work etc.


Conflict exists because people don't always get along or agree and so whether you are in workplace team, or school etc when conflict is resolved effectively, it leads to many benefits, such as accomplishing goals and strengthening relationships.

What is Conflict?

Wikipedia defines organizational conflict, or workplace conflict, is a state of discord caused by the actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests between people working together.  There is also conflict within individuals – between competing needs and demands – to which individuals respond in different ways.

                                                                                             wikipedia.org 

We examined anatomy of conflict...

Anatomy of Conflict
In the class, we examined the fact that conflict exists everywhere because people don't always get along or agree and so whether you are in workplace team, or school etc when conflict is resolved effectively, it leads to many benefits, such as accomplishing goals and strengthening relationships. But if conflict is not resolved easily and timely they ripen into a dispute.

We are told that a dispute arises from conflict when three circumstances come together at the same time: The belief that you're being deprived of something you need or want, the belief that someone else is causing the deprivation, and the belief that deprivation violates a social norm or rule.

Further in the discussion we examined social psychology factors that influences our disputes. We began by taking how we get locked into the name, blame, and claim cycle.

Conflict Response Styles

We also learned that before we engage in an act of dispute, no matter the scenario, we have some fairly ingrained ways of responding to conflict which are deeply sourced from our culture. It's important to understand our responses to conflict should be to build awareness, and to grow our capacity to make better choices in the moment. 

As we go through each style, be on the lookout for your default responses. We will focus here on the five most typical styles we use in an effort to deal with our discomfort

These styles are:

• Suppression
• Avoidance
• Resolution
• Transformation
• Transcendence

Suppression: We suppress, we refuse to talk about certain things, and we tell others that they shouldn't talk about them either. We shut down any possible resolution because the whole process makes us uncomfortable.

Avoidance: We avoid, we don't even give voice to our true thoughts or feelings. Instead, we stew, we harbour bad thoughts, we have imaginary conversations in our heads, or we talk to someone else, trying to gain alliances and prove we are right and the other person is wrong. 

Resolution: With this style we are engaged, we are making an effort to understand why the conflict occurred, and we're brainstorming ways to solve the problem cooperatively.

Transformation: We also transform, that means we use the conflict to transform our relationships. We work to understand our conflict partner while also owning our part with the intention of shifting our behaviour in a lasting way. The word 'Conflict Partner' was used because not only does it take two to tango, it takes immense courage to take your part in the conflict. 

Transcendence: We are also capable of transcending conflict, moving past it free of bitterness and resentment, because we move past the need to engage. We've given up the hold our triggers have on us.

We all have a default response to conflict but if you operate somewhere between resolution, transformation, and transcendence, congratulations! You are way ahead of the game. On the other hand, if you notice that you travel between suppression and avoidance. Start paying attention to your triggers, the things that typically upset you. And notice how your default response alters the quality of your relationships. Here's why: You can't resolve a conflict unless you're willing to take your part in it.

Cognitive bias

Cognitive bias are universal thoughts that cloud our judgment and dominate the texture of our disagreements and they operate below the surface of our awareness, and when we are in the middle of a conflict that's escalated into a full-blown dispute, biases and buried thought patterns often cause us to cling to our positions like barnacles. 

Further in the discussion we to uncover how these cognitive biases work in our everyday conversations.

Hindsight bias: this is also called the "I knew it all along" bias. It's the tendency to view past events as being predictable. An example would be if team mate accuses another team member of intentionally excluding her from an email chain, the other might say, "I knew you'd have that reaction and wouldn't support me." Next is fundamental attribution error. This is the tendency for people to explain the behavior of others as personality defects while minimizing the role of situational influences.

Principles of influence

In our everyday conversations and disputes, we employ what is called Principles of Influence. The principles of influence are Reciprocity, Consistency, Social Proof, Liking, Authority, and Scarcity. 

Reciprocity, We're highly motivated to return a favor or a good deed or respond to a positive action with another positive action. This is the principle of reciprocity. As a social norm, if you're treated kindly, you're much more likely to respond with kindness, rather than self-interest. If you're treated with hostility, you're likely to match that hostility or worse.

Consistency, is really about integrity. Once we commit to something, we have a strong drive to do what we say we're going to do. That's why we're motivated to make good on financial agreements or to meet deadlines on projects. 

Social proof, it's really about conforming to custom or group behavior. You're more likely to put a tip in the jar if there's already money in it, or work overtime on a project if the whole team is doing the same. Social proof in the workplace might look like getting the ear of an influence or to support your promotion or a creative idea.

Liking, the principle of liking means that people who are similar to us are more likely to be influenced by us. If you are a mom, you are more likely to connect with and trust other moms in your organization. The next principle is authority, our tendency to obey or believe people in positions of power, like a boss or a professor. But power is not solely vested in someone's title or position. We also align with authority by the brands we buy, the cars we drive, the clothes we wear, and even the people we hang out with.

Authority, We also use authority when we cite statistics or use testimonials or customer feedback to give our product or service credibility. 

Finally, scarcity. It's the idea that if something is in limited supply it will create demand.

We see this in advertising all the time, buy now, supplies are limited. In the workplace, scarcity may take the form of urgency. If you are trying to get buy-in on an idea or a project, you might stress the impact that acting immediately will have on the competition or productivity and bottom lines. 

We are taught that all of these persuasion principles can be used to deceive or manipulate, or they can be used honestly to help guide people to take positive action. 

Reflection: So the key to your success as a problem- solver is to become a student of human nature. Seek to understand what motivates people to do what they do and use the principles of influence collaboratively for the greater good.

Class Exercise

We spent some minutes watching TED Talks video by Mukul Chandhri: Conflict Negotiation and afterwards we were a questions paper to answer questions based on our opinion and the evidence provided in the TEDTalk.

Conflict resolution Week 8

Directions: Answer the following questions based on your opinion and the evidence in the TED Talks video by Mukul Chandhri: Conflict Negotiation.

If you would like to view the video from home again to get a fresher or listen more closely, here is the link:

Please answer:

1. What is the moral of the story regarding the camels?

The story speaks about the impact of the walk of Abraham on building peace. The walk, he (William Ury) says, “has the potential to change the game.” By bringing tourists into rural areas that had been economically depressed the walk has the ability to change terrorism into tourism.

2. Describe the concept of family and conflict.

Family conflict refers to active opposition between family members.
Conflicts may involve different combinations of family members: it can be conflict within the couple or between parents and children or, again, between siblings.

Conflict is defined as a clash between individuals arising out of a difference in thought process, attitudes, understanding, interests, requirements and even sometimes perceptions. A conflict results in heated arguments, physical abuses and definitely loss of peace and harmony.

3. What is the secret to peace within society? Explain.
According to the speaker the secret of peace within a society is creating common identity,              turning hostility to hospitality, non violent communication is the most superior conflict                resolution and life changing system

4. What is the 3rd side and why is it important?

• Taking the Third Side means:
• Seeking to understand both sides of the conflict
• Encouraging a process of cooperative negotiation

Supporting a wise solution – one that fairly meets the essential needs of both sides and the community

The 3rd side as he explained is a neutral position between the 2 conflicting sides, it’s a position where you can see what’s at stake, it’s important ingredient to achieve conflict resolution or reconciliation.

5. Stop fighting for a moment and start.?
let's stop fighting for a moment and start talking.

6. When you are angry you will? 
When angry you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

What does it mean to go to the balcony?
Rather than indulge in these common reactions and allow yourself to be overcome by emotion, it is much more productive to simply “go to the balcony”. The “balcony” here is simply a metaphor for detaching oneself from the conflict and assessing the situation like a third party would.

What is the role/purpose of a story?
You don’t have to take sides in a conflict, nor do you need to be neutral. No matter where your sympathies lie, you can choose to take the Third Side, in other words, the side of the whole ­ whether that is the family, the work organisation, the community, or the world.

9. What was the basic concept that came from the Middle East centuries ago?

The path of Abraham walk from his birthplace in Harran through 10 different nation

Regions of the current path:

• Urfa
• Harran
• Nablus
• Jericho
• Jerusalem
• Bethlehem
• Hebron
• Negev

The Abraham Path is a cultural route connecting the storied places associated with Abraham’s ancient journey. Story, walking and hospitality are the cultural route’s central themes. The path focusses on the diverse communities living in the region that share a common heritage in Abraham/Ibrahim as an ancestor and that may identify his story as an important component of their cultural DNA. The path also demonstrates the power of walking: giving people perspective and remembering their origins; it’s a way to connect with others. The path is also a symbol of hospitality and kindness toward perfect strangers.

10. What does walking do within a relationship versus walking up to a person face to face?

The third side possesses the power of peer pressure and the force of public opinion. It is people power. It uses the power of persuasion. It influences the parties primarily through an appeal to their interests and to community norms. In every conflict, there usually exists not just one possible third party but a multitude. Individually, we may not be able to intervene effectively, but collectively we are potentially more powerful than any two conflicting parties. Organizing ourselves into a coalition, we can balance the power between the parties and protect the weaker one.

11. What is the change that needs to be made for conflict to dissipate?
Supporting a PROCESS of dialogue and nonviolence. Silently or loudly, the Third Side says “No” to violence and “Yes” to dialogue. Thirdsiders urge disputants to sit down and talk out their differences respectfully. They focus, in other words, on the process. To them, how people handle their differences is just as important as what outcome they reach.

12. The speaker discussed conflict on a global and historical scale. How can this idea, the 3rd side, apply to your personal life? How can it apply to leadership and all that we accomplish in our school year?

The Third Side is a way of looking at the conflicts around us not just from one side or the other but from the larger perspective of the surrounding community. You can have natural sympathies for one side or the other and still choose to take the Third Side.